Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
