She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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