I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Watching her eat just hurts me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
