I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
