No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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