did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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