Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You smell like stripper and shame
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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