Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
