Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
