I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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