Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
