mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
where does the pee come out of this thing
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
