can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
