I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
