Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
