I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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