i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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