you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
