tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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