So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
