I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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