a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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