I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
