There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
