Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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