Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
