Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
