never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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