Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
