So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
