I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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