Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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