Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Houston, we have a squirter
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
