I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
