Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
