The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
