An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
