oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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