She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
