saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Randomize
