just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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