I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Randomize
