Do you still have your period?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
