You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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