this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
