Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
