All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
