I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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