God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
