Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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