David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
