You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she told me i tasted like america
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
